Practical Guide to Going Home Outline (M)
Practical Guide to Going Home Outline
Our spiritual master has taught us that life is a preparation for the ultimate homeward-bound journey and as with any journey, we must plan and prepare so we are ready to go when it is time to leave.
Since no one knows when or how they will have to leave this world, it is to our great benefit to be prepared. This is the ultimate service we can offer to our Gurudev–to be an example to others on how to leave this world as a devotee and in this way, give him the greatest pleasure in having fulfilled the goal of our lives to the best of our ability.
Our first step is to provide you all with a short document outlining essential steps we all should take now—not waiting until we have some catastrophic event or know we’re near leaving this world. Waiting until then is most often too late as we’ll want to be focusing on Krishna, not all the details of our end-of-life care or dealing with our material possessions. And we don’t want to leave a burden on those left behind.
In the following Going Home outline are suggestions for practical items to have ready for when our time comes to leave this world whether in the form of a life-threatening emergency or not. We encourage everyone over 18 to take care of these matters, as a matter of urgency. The preparation that is done carefully, in consultation with family and/or friends, can have the effect of encouraging them to be supportive and cooperative at this time. The information offered here is to help us to take shelter in the Supreme Person when we are leaving this world.
In the meantime, we know that everyone appreciates gestures of kindness. Hopefully, friends and families in each area will reach out from their hearts to help one another prepare for leaving this world. For example, some may need help organizing large prints of their favorite pictures or locating tilak or Tulasi beads. Others may need assistance with legal matters or drawing up an end-of-life care plan. Even simply keeping in touch with devotee friends, past and present, who live alone or in difficult circumstances, can give a sense of being cared for to a person who is aging, isolated, or unwell, as they approach death. And we all are approaching death, young and old.
Following is a detailed outline of information and items to consider in preparing for leaving this world. Below you will find six sections outlining: 1) Spiritual Care Decisions, 2) Personal Care Decisions, 3) Medical and Legal Documents, 4) Checklist for Your Going Home Kit, 5) Highly Recommended Items for Hospital, Hospice, or Home Care Setting, 6) Basic Points and Items for Caregivers to Consider.
If you have any questions, or if someone you know is leaving this world and you would like more comprehensive information on how to assist them, please feel free to contact us at our email address: info@goinghome.info.
We’ll be following up with a series of training sessions for all who would like to participate and learn more. We’re also developing a website that will contain the resources mentioned in the outline as well as additional support services.
Please accept our respects and don’t forget to confirm receipt of this outline with your area coordinator.
Thank you,
The Going Home—No Need to Die Alone team
(Drsya Krishna das, Maladhar dasi, Mahaprabhu dasi, Devahuti dasi, Shyama Kunda dasi, Peter Mikula, Dawn Rodrigues, Jolanda Krommenhoek, Steve Hamm, Janne Johnsen, Linn LundstromPage Break
GOING HOME OUTLINE
SECTION 1: SPIRITUAL CARE DECISIONS
The most important priority for you leaving this world is to be able to rest in the the chanting of the Holy Names, coming from the lips of Srila Prabhupada.
- What is your favorite chanting of Srila Prabhupad, and do you have copies prepared or on file?
- Do you have a favorite form of Krishna on file or printed?
- Do you have a favorite picture of Srila Prabhupad on file or in print?
- Are there particular stories that you would like to have read to you? Or lectures of Srila Prabhupad that you may like to listen to? Provide a list.
- Do you want people to come into your space and quietly chant along with your CD of Srila Prabhupad chanting?
- Do you mind members of the opposite sex coming into your space to visit and/or chant?
- Do you want SP secretaries to be notified you are leaving?
- Do you have any particular clothes or items for your body once you leave—e.g., an item of maha clothing, tilak, or tulsi?
- What do you want done with your initiation japa beads? (Beads are generally to be treasured by family, or closest friends).
SECTION 2: PERSONAL CARE DECISIONS
- Where do you want to leave? (For example, at home, at a friend’s, in a hospital)
- Who do you want to take care of you?
- Do you want family or friends to help care for you?
- Would you like a hospice organization to be involved in your care?
- Who do you want to be able to visit and be in your space?
- Which family members and friends would you like to have there with you?
- What simple foods or drinks would you require?
- Are there any other general details of your personal care that people need to be aware of, e.g. preferred pajamas, type of pillow, allergies to cleaning products or personal care products, etc.
- Do you have your finances organized to cover the costs of medical treatment, accommodation, funerals, etc.
- Forgiveness is crucial. Try to resolve interpersonal matters in preparation for your departure. Forgive and be forgiven. More information will be available through a link on the Going Home website (currently under construction).
SECTION 3: MEDICAL AND LEGAL DOCUMENTS
1. ADVANCED CARE DIRECTIVE (ACD) – This is an important document, in which you detail your wishes regarding your care, for when you can no longer communicate. This should be done now, regardless of your present health status. There are three areas of care that should be covered in your ACD. You will need to carefully consider each section and write your wishes clearly. You should do your own research and understand the possible responsibilities and results of your decisions. If you need assistance in understanding your options, please contact us at info@goinghome.info.
NOTE: ACD forms vary from country to country. Please become informed about the medical procedures that they are offering. In some countries this document is also referred to as a “Living Will” meaning it is your expressed medical, personal and spiritual wishes before death versus a Will or “Trust” which outlines your wishes for your estate and personal belongings after death.
ENDURING/DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY (EPA/DPA) – Legally appointing someone as your EPA is essential because there will come a time when you can no longer communicate. They can legally make decisions in accordance with your Financial, Medical, Personal and Spiritual wishes. The scope of power of an EPA or DPA may vary from country to country. These powers end at your death.
To get an ACD, go to the internet and type in – Advanced Care Directive followed by the country and state you live in. Once you have the correct form, please read the additional information that explains each question. This will help you make your health care decisions.
ADDITIONAL MEDICAL CARE DECISIONS TO CONSIDER INCLUDED IN ACD
- What kind of assistance do you want to control your pain?
- In case of an allergic reaction, have you tried your planned medication beforehand?
- Do you want suppositories, herbs or a colonic? (May make you more comfortable if you have stopped eating.)
- At what point do you want to stop all medication that sustains life—e.g. IV drips, blood pressure medication, nausea medication, etc.?
(PLEASE NOTE: Personal Care and Spiritual Care decisions need to be written down separately from the Medical ACD. They need to be signed and dated in Duplicate, before two witnesses who are not family members. Copies of your Care decisions can be added to your kit, for use by your Health Care Agent and your primary spiritual caregiver if they are different people.)
2. ENDURING/DURABLE POWER OF ATTORNEY (EPA/DPA) – Legally appointing someone as your EPA is essential because there will come a time when you can no longer communicate. They can legally make decisions in accordance with your Financial, Medical, Personal, and Spiritual wishes. The scope of power of an EPA or DPA may vary from country to country. These powers end at your death.
3. WILL & EXECUTOR – A legal Will or Trust should be prepared and updated. In the will, you designate the EXECUTOR (your lawyer, a family member, or friend) whose duty is to ensure that your instructions, as per your will, are fulfilled and who the beneficiaries of your estate will be (i.e. property, possessions, life insurance, etc).
If you do not have many material possessions, then simple will kits are available online. If you do have property, investments, etc, then your lawyer will draw up a suitable Will or Trust.
SECTION 4: CHECKLIST FOR YOUR GOING HOME KIT
Items to help us rest in Krishna:
- SP Chanting is the most important of all. You will need a Music Device (a must): MP3, iPod player, CD player, must have REPEAT PLAY OPTION and preferably BUILT IN SPEAKERS. You can also convert an old phone. (We suggest taping a note to the music device “PLEASE DO NOT TURN OFF”).
- Load device with ONE favorite continuous looped chant of SP chanting only (no congregational response) i.e. Night Chant, Samadhi chant, SP Japa CD, Rasa Lila’s Samadhi Chant, Madana-Mohana Murari (especially nice for non-chanting friends or family), etc. If you need help obtaining, contact us at info@goinghome.info.
- Krishna Picture/Poster This is an individual’s favorite form of Krishna ideally one they have worshiped their whole lives. Ask your loved ones now what it is and tell them what yours is. Get posters made in advance.
- A smaller picture of SP
- Maha water, if available, in a small spray or dropper bottle.
- Maha cloth and clothing if available. A note placed on it saying ‘do not remove’ is helpful for the nurses.
- Tilak (optional depending on circumstances); or you can put tilak markings using maha water so it is there but not putting clay markings on a patient if that is a concern.
- Scripture to read. Choose your favorite stories.
- Optional: Favorite essential oils that have been offered to Krishna to help calm and soothe i.e., lavender, etc.; an aromatherapy diffuser is ideal depending on the setting and circumstances. MAKE SURE the essential oil is pure (not synthetic) and offered.
- Earbuds, phone, and MP3 chargers, extra-long charger cords (for both the player and personal phone to reach plugs), extension cords (optional: for additional sockets if needed), and batteries for the player are optional but a good idea just in case you are not able to plug it into the wall.
- Have you completed your Will, Enduring Power of Attorney, and Advanced Care Directive?
- Do you have two copies of your Advanced Care Directive in your kit in case you are being treated at a Medical Facility? One is for your caregiver and the other is for the attending doctor.
SECTION 5: HIGHLY RECOMMENDED ITEMS FOR HOSPITAL, HOSPICE, OR HOME CARE SETTING:
- Items to secure forms in a hospital room setting or urgent care setting i.e. shipping tape or duct tape and string. Optional (just in case): scissors, removable poster putty, and/or clamps. Make sure the picture is secured properly and won’t fall on others. Label all items brought in with the patient’s or caregiver’s name and phone number. (Removable painter’s tape is good for that.)
- “How to” sheet for operating any music devices used. Tape to the music device if possible.
- Notepad and pen (to document medical information, write questions, journal)
- List of people to be contacted that you would want to be notified and updated on your condition. List their phone numbers and relationship to you. Also provide a list of friends with phone numbers, to be contacted to chant as well as suggested names of friends to ask to coordinate a phone tree.
- Fill out the health/emergency app on your phone. For 1st responders, Apple phones have a vital info app that bypasses your security code enabling emergency responders to access it. Also, carry a card in your wallet with emergency contact information.
SECTION 6: BASIC POINTS AND ITEMS FOR CAREGIVERS TO CONSIDER
Note: In addition to the duties of caring for the person getting ready to leave, or during major health events, you will be requested to keep people updated on the status of the person leaving, etc. Consider this site caringbridge.org for keeping family and friends updated. It is free and will save you multiple calls and communications which can be quite stressful. This way, you need only to update everyone at one location to keep them informed of the person’s condition.
Primarily, the role of the caregiver is to assist the departing person to one-pointedly focus on their relationship with Srila Prabhupad and Krishna, as recommended and as per the requests of the individual.
Serving as a caregiver means endeavoring to be relaxed and loving, as well as patient, attentive, and supportive.
Caregivers need to be able to listen to Krishna, Lord Paramatma, and pray to Srila Prabhupad when situations arise that they are not sure about, understanding that we are extras in this event, which is really all about the person who is leaving and their relationship with Srila Prabhupad and Krishna.
It is recommended that the lead caregiver be assigned ‘Power of Attorney’ because it gives them the authority to make sure the person’s desires are fulfilled.
To build trust, it is also important for the lead caregiver , in particular, to put time into communicating with and developing a real friendships with family members.
It cannot be emphasized enough that each circumstance is totally individual and unique according to time, place, and circumstance. You will have to adjust and adapt to your particular circumstance and who you are advocating for and taking care of at this critical time.
When taking care of friends or family who may be of other faiths or no particular faith at all, do what you can to make them comfortable. Gently encourage them to take shelter of God according to their understanding and in a language, they can relate to.
Suggestions regarding honoring Maha Water/“Holy Water”: With the patient’s permission, it can be used to anoint the patient’s head, put on lips , or use for tilak. Note: Misting without warning can be disturbing to patients; always be very gentle. You can also spray the maha water into your hands and touch your palms to their head, face , or neck. For family or friends you may like to offer them some “Holy Water,” explaining that it is very spiritually purifying.
According to circumstances, if appropriate, remember that chanting the Holy Names can and should continue after it appears the person has left their body.
PRACTICAL LIST FOR CAREGIVERS WHO HAVE A PATIENT (in hospital and/or away from home)
- Have a sweater, jacket, socks, and neck pillow (remember temperatures tend to be cool with the A/C going.)
- Pack appropriate clothes for wherever your patient is staying.
- Bring water, snacks, masks, and hand sanitizer.
- Usually, only one person is allowed in the room at a time. Check with your hospital for all restrictions.
- If your patient is in a hospital or hospice, check on the number of visitors at any time.
- Bring your cell phone and charger and maybe a battery backup pack. Also, have someone answer the patient’s cell phone on their behalf to field any calls or texts coming in.
- Bring earbuds in case you can’t play chanting out loud for yourself and the patient.
- If a person or their relatives are disturbed by the constant playing of chanting, then ear pods can be used or the player can be put in a corner and turned way down so that the Holy Names are barely audible. Even in this situation, the person is still surrounded by Krishna – above them, below them, all around them, in the form of His Holy Names.
Important: If there is no device available because of an accident or other circumstances, then we should chant from our hearts into the ears of the person. “We should not underestimate the potency of the Holy Names received from our Spiritual Master.” SP
- Be aware of sounds or smells that may be irritating to the patient and do your best to minimize these.
- Label everything you bring with you with your name or patient’s name and phone number (using removable painters’ tape and non-smelling markers are good for this.)
- Label everything that you bring with you to the patient’s residence, with your name or the patient’s name and phone number (using removable painter’s tape and non-smelling markers are good for this.)
- If possible, it is good to have a backup caregiver for when the primary caregiver needs to sleep or take a break or possibly needs something from a store or home.
- If a patient wants to be massaged, try to remember to offer the oil or lotion.
- If a person getting ready to leave is a student or disciple of SP, it is not required, but in general, most people inform SP’s secretaries of the impending situation.
- Additional note for family and caregivers: if possible, continue chanting or playing chanting after the person has left their body.
ONCE THE PERSON HAS LEFT
Once the person you have been caring for has left, those closest to them need not get heavily involved in the ensuing ‘busyness’ – all the ensuing activity and organizing, such as cleaning up, cremation, invitations, the wake, organizing prasadam for visitors, the victory celebration for the departed person, etc. Helping a loved one (friend or family member) to leave this world immersed in Krishna takes energy, dedication , and love, and can be incredibly challenging physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Let others do whatever needs to be done going forward, and take time to rest, chant, pray, and contemplate the spiritual significance of what has just taken place. This period of reflection is important and may go on for days or weeks. Spiritual relationships continue after the death of the body. (Compilation of SP instructions from two separate occasions) [Text Wrapping Break] [Text Wrapping Break]
FOR YOUR INFORMATION
Additional information, guidelines , and courses for training people as caregivers will become available to deepen your understanding and thus assist you in this most sacred and pleasing service.
If you have any questions regarding guidelines and training courses you may contact us at info@goinghome.info .